summer melancholy

summer seems to be the most calm time in the year, people are on holidays, getting some 'me-time' ... center yourself again, recharging batteries, decompress ... however you want to call it...
but for me it is always the time of the year, when melancholy is striking me ... its a feeling of loneliness and there is nothing to do, so i tend to become very unsocial in summer... it is the time when everyone is enjoying some quality time with their loved ones, friends and families ... but what if all of that is missing in your live ... you start to feel alienated from the hole world, disconnected form some reason - how to refill batteries - how to open your heart and not getting hurt if you are so vulnerable - how to feel happy during the time of depression or desperateness without someone to lean on, strengthening your back... when every attempt you are starting to rise up a bit is defeated immediately - live is giving you lessons to learn all the way, but where is the wise person giving advice through all of it ... feeling like some pages ripped out of a book - lost the bigger picture - where do i belong to - where is my place - where i am - selfcentering ??? but how???
how to clean up your emotions and finding out what you want ... finding out about your need you cant not live up to yourself ... not being able to satisfy your own need damaged are we??? living in boxes and cages your whole live, pretending being someone you are not, wearing masks and keeping them up - the only thing we are concerned about.... why did we lost the ability being our selfes, why did we get distroyed be living our lives
is reality really cruel or is it just because of the maskes we are wearing - not letting someone looking behind the mask - pretending something
i am just not strong - not strong enough fulfilling my own live - expectations are killing me ... it is time to stand for your self!!! being who you are!!!! and being convinced that it is a good thing ... follow your heart ...